


Violent Pictures

by LouderthanSilence



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Based off a song, Blood, Canon Compliant, I swear, Identity Issues, Kinda, Lea is a ray of sunshine, M/M, but even the sun sets, canons there, isa has identity issues, isa is scared, just squint okay?, let isa rest 2019, let them be happy Nomura, nomura pls, theres no way these kids don't have some form of ptsd, violent pictures
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-24
Updated: 2019-04-24
Packaged: 2020-01-25 18:45:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18580402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LouderthanSilence/pseuds/LouderthanSilence
Summary: Lea was always the one with the temper.But,Axel just stares at him for an indefinite amount of time.Isa wants to run and hide, to shrink away from Axels gaze until he can’t see him anymore, or better yet, Isa wants to scream at Axel. He wants to scream and ask him why? Why wasn’t I good enough to be your friend? Why did you leave me? What does he have that I don’t? but he can’t. Instead,  Saix coldly asks him if he needs something.Axel abruptly turns around and leaves, not a word is spoken.The next day, with a heavy heart Saix delivers the order for Axel to go to Castle Oblivion.





	Violent Pictures

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I heard this song today and I just HAD to.  
> The song is called Violent Pictures by: Dream On, Dreamer.   
> The moment I heard it I just KNEW I had to write something Axel and Isa oriented.  
> I really like writing things based on songs where I get to add the song lyrics in as I go.  
> If anyone has any suggestions or requests let me know! I'm always down to practice my writing. :)

You can listen to the song [Here!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4YiqITIIeNA) :)

 

_ I wish I could be a stranger _

_   
_ Saix watches as Axel awkwardly shuffles down the hall, eyes downcast, avoiding his eyes. 

His hair is messier than usual and he’s rubbing his eyes sleepily. 

_ Lea never was a morning person _

Saix wishes he didn’t know those things anymore. 

 

_ If I was than you wouldn't find out _ __   
  


Its dark out now and Saix curls up in his bed, hands clamped over his ears as he tries in vain to block out the white noise that fills his head whenever he tries to sleep. 

He falls asleep after a few hours, his body to exhausted to stay awake any longer. 

 

_ Got a head full of violent pictures, no way to work it out _ __   
  


The nightmares shouldn’t be a normal occurrence, they shouldn’t have him jolting out of bed every 45 minutes. He shouldn’t feel like he hasn’t slept in 6 months.. 

 

_ And I know now _ __   
  


Saix  _ knows  _ this. He knows that all of this isn’t normal. 

He ignores it the best that he can and goes on with his day. 

He ignores the sharp pain in his heart when he passes Axel in the hall just like he ignores the dizziness he feels when he hasn’t eaten for over 24 hours. 

He hopes one day starvation will kill him, far before Axel does. 

 

_ I was young and wanted to grow older _

 

Tonight’s nightmare starts off as a dream of a simpler time. 

Saix is no longer Saix, but 17 year old Isa.

Axel is no longer Axel, but 16 year old Lea, Isa’s best friend. 

Lea is laughing about something as he lays across from Isa on Isa’s bed. 

They’re playing cards. 

Isa looks down and suddenly he isn’t holding playing cards anymore, his hands are empty and blood stained. When he looks up Lea is no longer Lea, and Axel stands in his place, eyes full of grief.

Axel says something Isa doesn’t quite catch and then he’s hurling a fiery chakram at him and Isa’s body is moving on autopilot. 

He swings his claymore and strikes Axel directly in his midsection and he doubles over and starts  _ laughing _ . 

The fire from Axel's chakrams spread until the room is a swirling inferno. 

The sound of crackling fire is all that Isa hears. 

The tears are falling before Isa even has a moment to register them. 

 

_ Now i'm grown, can I take it all back? _ __   
  


Saix jolts out of bed, a scream stuck in his throat. He sinks back down to his bed when he realizes he’s alone and pulls his knees close. 

He sits like that until the sun has risen and then he gets up and trudges to Xemnas’s office. 

He passed Axel in the hall and he can’t even bring himself to look at him. 

He doesn’t want to look at those  **marks.**

Saix can’t look at them because then he has to think about how  **_he_ ** did that to him. 

An apology crawls up his throat and Saix swallows it down. 

 

_ Got a head full of violent pictures, I made them all myself _ __   
  


Its midnight again and Saix has been staring at the ceiling since the sun went down. 

Everytime he closes his eyes all he can see is  _ that _ night in the lab. 

Isa may have died first, but that doesn’t mean Lea let them take him down without a proper fight. 

All Saix can see when he closes his eyes is Lea, on the floor, broken and bloody, eyes filled with anger and panic as he desperately tries to get free from their grasp to save Isa. 

Isa still remembers what it was like to fight  _ them.  _

If he closes his eyes he can almost  _ feel _ the agony of having your heart ripped from your body. 

But, nothing compares to the feeling of despair he felt when he woke up and saw they got Lea too. 

 

_ And I know now _ __   
  


Saix stares down at the papers in front of him, but he can’t read a single word. He’s sure someone knocked on his door and asked him a question, but he can’t remember what it was, nevermind who it was. 

His fingers run absentmindedly over the slightly raised scar on his face, a brutal reminder of the past. 

_ Axel’s teardrops will fade when he becomes human again, but you’ll remain like this  _ **_forever._ **

 

_ By the grace of God I wake up in the morning with nothing but my friends _ __   
  


Saix no longer thinks much about anything now. He just moves as if on autopilot. It’s like watching himself in the 3rd person. He watches himself give out new orders and assignments, but the voice speaking doesn’t feel like his own. 

It’s not Isa’s voice, it’s  _ Saïx’s.  _

 

_ And memories of dreaming of you _ __   
  


All of Isa’s dreams are nightmares now. 

He thought that the worst ones were the ones that jerked him awake and made his pulse race, but these new ones were so much worse.

The ones where he couldn’t move or speak, and all he could do was watch Axel walk away, watch his body get father and farther away and he couldn’t do  **_anything_ ** . 

Saix wakes up, dries his eyes, and goes on about his day. 

He has to welcome the new recruit today. 

#13. Roxas. 

 

_ And I know, I need forgiveness like a hole in the head _ _   
_ it’s slightly after midday when Axel bursts into Saïx’s room, face red and hands hot. 

Saix expects him to yell like he did so much when they were younger. 

Lea was always the one with the temper.

But,

Axel just stares at him for an indefinite amount of time. 

Isa wants to run and hide, to shrink away from Axels gaze until he can’t see him anymore, or better yet, Isa wants to scream at Axel. He wants to scream and ask him _why_? _Why wasn’t I good enough to be your friend? Why did you leave me?_ _What does he have that I don’t?_ but he _can’t_. Instead,  Saix coldly asks him if he needs something.

Axel abruptly turns around and leaves, not a word is spoken. 

The next day, with a heavy heart Saix delivers the order for Axel to go to Castle Oblivion. 

 

_ Take me backwards,  _

 

Waiting for Axel to return was insanity inducing. Saix keeps himself busy by giving out new missions and shutting himself up in his room. He can’t look at  _ Roxas _ . After what seems like a lifetime, Axel returns and he’s acting like  _ he hadn’t just been assumed dead for months _ . Isa’s blood  _ boils. But still, he says nothing. _

Saix catches a glimpse of Axel sitting on the clock tower with Xion and  _ Roxas _ and for a moment he can't  _ breathe.  _ Isa confronts Axel later.

“There's too much on the line” Saix says because that’s all he can think to say. Anger is buzzing under his skin like a million volts of electricity. He feels like he shook hands with Larxene. Axel doesn’t respond, only walks away and Isa feels his heart break. Saix feels nothing, and pushes forward with the plan. 

 

_ I don't want to know who I am _

 

Isa  _ avoids  _ mirrors. He doesn’t want to see his reflection.

There isn’t a one in the organization that he hasn’t shattered in anger and disgust.

_ You deserve this. _

Saix enters the bathroom on his floor early in the morning and is met with his reflection. He stares.

His eyes map out the slope of his nose, his eyebrows, his  _ scar. _ The image of eyes that aren’t his are burned into his head.  To Isa, the face in the mirror is not his own. The man in the mirror is an imposter, a monster in the shape of a man. Orange eyes flash, teeth sharpen, and fists clench. 

_   
_ _ You just walked away _

 

There’s glass raining down in the bathroom, coating the floor and the sink and some of it has sunk into the skin on Saix’s hand. 

 

_   
_ _ And you just walked away _

 

Saix sinks to the floor, ignoring the sting of the glass shards on the floor biting into his skin.

This is not the first time this has happened. No, the first time happened shortly after he’d became a nobody. Lea had rushed in and patched him up, before attempting to pick up the pieces of Isa’s shattered self worth

_   
_ _ You just walked away _

 

Isa doesn’t know how long he sat on the floor, letting the puddle of blood form underneath him as he stared down at his broken reflection in the millions shards of glass. 

Axel never came to help him pick up the pieces this time.

Isa continues to sit on the floor, long after his physical wounds have healed, long after the sun's gone down, long after the small shreds of Isa that was left in him have died.

Shortly after dawn, Saix rises, cleans up the broken glass and the blood, and goes on about his day.

_   
_ _ By the grace of God I wake up in the morning with nothing but my friends _

 

Saix carries out his missions without hesitation. He cuts down his enemies without remorse, after all,  _ nobodies don’t have hearts. _

Saix does not blink, nor care when he bumps into Axel in the halls.

Saix doesn’t feel anything when he looks at the upside down tear marks on Axels face.

Saix feels  _ nothing. _

_   
_ _ And memories of dreaming of you _

 

The nightmares have disappeared. Saix does not dream, nor does he have trouble sleeping. His body moves automatically and there is no thinking. Saix does as he is told and does not think twice about it.

_ Nobody's can’t have doubts. _

Nobody’s don’t  _ feel _ emotions. They can only imitate what they remember.

Saix can’t remember feeling anything other than contempt anymore.

_   
_ _ And I know, I need forgiveness like a hole in the head _

 

Saix doesn’t flinch the next time he catches sight of himself in the mirror. A shell is a shell, and the one he wears does not matter. 

All Saix desires for is the right to  _ feel things again. _

He will regain his heart,  _ even if it means going through Lea to get it. _

_   
_ _ Take me backwards _

 

It’s his final fight, he  _ knows this.  _ He can feel it in his bones that his end is coming and Saix stands, preparing to fight what will be his last battle. 

Lea is there. Saix wouldn’t of expected any less. 

He raises his claymore.

Saix slumps over, chest heaving and his body is just so  _ tired. _

“I was jealous” the words are spilling from his lips like a geyser. Saix is no longer in control of his own voice, of _Isa’s voice_ and Isa lets the words fall from his lips like a waterfall. 

Hes collapsing now, his body giving way to the darkness,  _ decaying. _

Lea rushes forward and catches Isa.

‘Lea’ is the last word that Saix mutters before his body breaks apart into a million pieces, each one floating higher than the last.

_   
_ _ And bye the grace of God I wake up in the morning with nothing but my friends _

 

Isa does not wake gracefully. His head is pounding and each of his limbs feels like it weighs a hundred pounds. He refuses to look in the mirror as he stumbles out of the lab and in the direction of the clock tower.

_ He needs to see Lea, even if Lea doesn’t want to see him. _

_ Isa has to apologize. _

_   
_ _ And memories of dreaming of you _

 

Isa didn’t expect Lea to give him the time of day, much less forgive him, but the moment Lea looked up and caught sight of Isa he was running, full speed at Isa.

They collapsed in a heap of limps on the floor of the ledge of the clock tower.

Lea is the first to cry, fat tears rolling down his face as he sniffles and buries his face in the front of Isa’s coat. Isa bites back the comment about Lea’s tearshapped marks and hugs him back. Isa buries his face in Lea’s hair and does his best not to cry, but the tears start falling once he breathes in and notices that Lea still smells the same as he did all those years ago. 

_   
_ _ And I know, I need forgiveness like a hole in the head _

 

“I’m so sorry Lea” Isa chokes on the words. 

“I’m sorry too Isa.” Lea is forcing the words out through his tears and that only makes Isa cry harder. 

 

_   
_ _ Take me backwards _

 

They sit on the clock tower and talk for  _ hours _ . 

Lea admits that he’d already forgiven Isa before Isa ever woke up recompleted.

Isa admits that he was terrified of being left behind.

Lea promises that he will never leave Isa, and Isa cries all over again.

They continue to sit there, just close enough to feel the warmth of each others presence, until the sun starts to set, casting a red glow over everything.

“Hey, do you know why the sun sets red?” Lea asks.

 

_ Take me backwards _

 

Talking to Roxas after being recompleted was far scarier than any mission Isa had ever completed.

After a long tearful apology, Roxas and Xion both forgave him.

Lea bought everyone ice cream and they all sat atop the clock tower and shared stories.

 

_   
_ _ Take me backwards _

 

They’re on the beach now and Isa’s watching as Roxas leaps into the air to catch the frisbee that Lea just threw and Xion’s sitting off to the side talking to Namine.

Roxas throws the frisbee to Isa and he jumps in the air to catch it, only to have Lea plow into him and send them both crashing down onto the sand.

 

For the first time in years, Isa finds himself  _ laughing.  _ He laughs so hard he snorts and his stomach hurts. Next to him Lea is laughing so hard that sound is no longer coming out and Isa glances over at him, watching how the sunlight lights up Lea’s eyes just right.

_   
_ _ I don't want to know who I am _

 

It’s been a year since that day on the beach and currently they’re walking through the square in Radiant Garden.

It hasn’t been completely restored, but it’s getting there slowly.

Isa got a job on the restoration committee and he’s been helping them rebuild, one piece at a time.

 

It’s just him and Lea this time, and Lea is telling some story about something one of the kids he was teaching did and Isa snorts into his hot chocolate. Lea steps under a streetlight and Isa’s breath catches in his throat, because Lea’s electric green eyes are shining so brightly in this light, a beautiful contrast to the yellow scarf he's wearing.  _ A gift from Isa, a homage to who they once were. _ __   
  


There’s a concert going on in the town square and the music is filling the air, swirling around them. Lea holds out his hand and grins. At first Isa tries to decline.

“You know I have two left feet Lea” Isa says but Lea shakes his head and laughs anyway, reaching over and grabbing a hold of Isa’s hand and pulling him close. With a quiet sigh, Isa sets his hot chocolate down and takes Lea’s hand.

They dance, one of Isa’s hands on Lea’s shoulder and the other hand in Lea’s, with Lea’s hand on his waist they spin in circles slowly to the beat of the music.

The street lamp illuminates their faces and Isa can’t help but notice how genuinely  _ happy _ Lea looks.

 

Lea ducks his head down and presses his lips against Isa’s.

A minute later Lea pulls away and presses his face into Isa’s hair.

 

“You know, I love you Isa.” Lea murmurs against Isa’s hair and Isa is grateful it’s cold outside, so he can blame his reddening face on the weather.

 

“I. I love you too Lea” Isa breathes back, still lightheaded from the kiss, he presses his ear up against Lea’s chest and listened to the reassuring thump of Lea’s heart.

 

They stay like that for a moment, suspended in time, too happy to notice that the band has long since finished playing. 


End file.
